Tonight I can write with apologies to Neruda

I wrote this poem I thought you might like it

today I can write the happiest lines
write for example
the moon arose and I dined with friends
away, far from my comfort zone

what does it matter that it was not perfect
that I did not finish desert

today I can write the happiest lines
write for example
I stayed out with friends
when I wanted to run
I persevered beyond blind panic
beyond the coursing through my veins to flee
till my heart beat again
with the thrumming of the stars

what does it matter that I am still peckish
the grumbling in my tum will
disappear with morning breakfast

I do not still need panic
that's certain
but I maybe I do
Or it would not still be with me

what is it in me that thinks I don't deserve happiness?
that I am not worthy?
that I have not tried hard enough?
fearing some insatiable beast
not content
until I am swallowed whole

when I have searched the world's oceans
and read the library dry

Today I can write the happiest lines
it will be over

throughout nights like this one
I have learned time and again
I do survive
and thrive
and tomorrow
a new day
a page turned over
I can start afresh

The wind will call to touch my hearing
but this time
I will be
listening

I know what it whispers
it says
do not be afraid
you are stronger than its
hunger
shaking
toilet runs
queasiness
you have survived
thrived

you don't need to keep proving that
now you can rest